Lost Kiss
by charlibubble
Summary: "What if I told you I loved you?" She whispered, her eyes firmly focussed on memorising the lines on his hands. "I'd tell you I already knew" A *Happy Birthday* Sandle dedicated to DearSweetPapercut.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I wanted to write something for DearSweetPapercut's birthday... In my head I had plans of an epic romance story to end all romance stories but it didn't seem to make it onto the document. This is the result of my late night ramblings, I think I can compare this to when she tried to write GSR for me. Somehow it always ends up bittersweet but I'm publishing and dedicating anyway.**

**This is for DearSweetPapercut on her 21st Birthday. May she have an amazing day that she will always remember through many, many other birthdays. May she be blessed with love and fortune, happiness and joy. May she know that on this day I will admit that her 'Fun Fact' are actually fun and that I am genuinely blessed to be able to call her my friend. Have a great day sweetie xxx **

**P.S Don't let this go to your head, I will deny it ever happened tomorrow ;)**

There was every chance that this moment would be one she would regret for the rest of her life, forever etched in her memories like a bad dream. But as the rain stuttered against the window and his body imposed itself on hers she found herself surrendering to the desires that had been her constant companion for so long.

They always promised it would be the last time. That the magnetic pull they felt towards each other would simply vanish in the night like ghost's but that was never the case. With each stolen moment the bond only got stronger and the harder it became to convince themselves that it meant nothing.

But this time was different. This time would be the last, this time was goodbye.

He worshipped her. His eyes, his hands and his lips leaving no part of her untouched in their dance and she let him, waiting for the guilt to come and shadow the moment. It never came, she selfishly found herself craving his touch even when it couldn't be hers. Even when it was wholly inappropriate for her to be picturing him that way she still did.

Her hands drew carefully across his strong muscular back feeling the way his shape changed with every movement and her touch left a trail of goosebumps across his skin.

He tasted of coffee and cigarettes, the same way he always did, the same way she imagined him to every time she closed her eyes. She wondered how they had got to this place. How their relationship had progressed from a beautiful friendship to a sordid affair and exactly when it had come to mean much more than that.

It had crept up on her, this epiphany. It hadn't been an earth shattering realisation like she would have expected. Instead it was a slow burning realisation that had come entirely too late. One moment had merged into another and suddenly she was tangled in his sheets with his arms around her and his lips on her skin. That was where she reached the conclusion that there was no place on earth she'd rather be.

She cast her mind back to the first moment she had given herself to him. It had been so beautiful in its simplicity. She had lay with him that night watching the stars. The grass had tickled between her toes as she spread out on the lawn and Greg had took his place beside her. It was natural, comfortable and somehow more beautiful than if he had turned up with two dozen red roses or showered her with diamonds.

He was there unquestioning, unwavering and painfully unattainable. They had shared the same conversation before as they pointed out the constellations and pondered the mysteries of the universe. It didn't matter, they could repeat the exact same words a thousand times over and mean something different each time.

She had told him about Boston; about catching snowflakes on her tongue and falling in love for the first time. He had gently laced his fingers through hers and told her about New York.

They shared everything and yet they shared nothing because their trip towards nostalgia was merely a method of avoiding the feelings blossoming between them. It was hard to deny the stolen glances or the swarm of butterflies lingering between them. She had tried to convince herself that their entanglement had arisen out of necessity or a raw desire to be close to another person but she knew that wasn't true.

No other person could make her feel like this. Nobody knew how to curl her toes and make her scream quite the way he did. Nobody could ever hold her quite so close and make her feel as cherished as he did afterwards and so here they were performing the same charade, in the same room with the same misguided intentions when she realised it wasn't enough.

She wanted more than his body, she wanted more than his mind, she wanted every single part of him that he could offer but it already belonged to someone else.

As he moved over her she sought out his eyes. They always say the eyes are the window to the soul and that could certainly be said of Greg Sanders. She often found herself drawn to the deep dark pools of raw emotion. She saw so much truth there, truth's he had tried to hide without success. She would see herself reflected there and ask him why, He would tell her it was the image of his soul mate. He had no idea how much his honesty made her shiver and kept her awake at night. He had no idea how much it meant to her when he whispered those things in her ear and his breath crossed her neck.

A gasp escaped her lips as he hooked her leg over his arm and pressed against her. They fit so perfectly together and yet she was still caught off guard by how good he felt inside her. She would still feel her legs tremble and her hips rock involuntarily against him. He would always dip his head and meet her lips with his before he moved any further. His hands felt so huge around her body when he tilted her hips upwards and intensified the sensations he was gifting her.

He knew exactly how to orchestrate her climax. He would apply the right amount of pressure and utilise the perfect rhythm until she was crying out his name and shivering in his arms. He was so in tune with her body that he anticipated what she wanted before she was even sure herself and before long she found herself clinging to his back with every muscle in her body tensed and burning. She saw lights flashing before her eyes as she arched her back and surrendered spectacularly to the pleasure.

As always they settled back into the soft pillows, their heartbeats pounding out a matching rhythm and their breathing mingling in the air. Sara took his hand in hers tracing gentle patterns across his palm with her fingertips.

"What if I told you I loved you?" She whispered, her eyes firmly focussed on memorizing the lines on his hands.

"I'd tell you I already knew" He confessed.

"What if I told you I wanted to stay like this forever?" She continued.

"Then I'd tell you that was impossible" He smiled, her eyes raising to meet his.

"What if I asked you to tell me a secret?" She muttered.

"I'd tell you I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you" He sighed raising her hand to his lips and placing a gentle kiss to each of her fingertips. His eyes lingered sadly on the band of gold glittering on her finger in the dim lights.

"What if I asked you to tell me the truth?" She asked as tears filled her eyes and shimmered against their sorrowful backdrop.

"I'd tell you we weren't meant to be" He lied.

A heavy silence settled between them as they considered their predicament, staring at their hands laced together. She wondered when she had realised that this would goodbye, it was another depressingly slow culmination of moments that filled her soul and shadowed her conscience as she lay there cocooned in his arms.

"What if I told you I loved you?" He repeated sadly.

Sara took a deep breath, steadying her trembling voice before answering as honestly as she could.

"I'd tell you it's too late"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: DearSweetPapercut here- well- yes it's my birthday and I'm being spoilt rotten. Thank you to Charlie for writing this story I know how much writing Sandle kills her but it turned out beautifully. She's been a great friend for the...what feels like forever... we've known each other and has dealt with more than her fair share of abuse and nervous breaks and yet she is still here. What more could I ask for than friends like that, eh?**

**Well apart from a happy ending to this rather tragic tale which I've just thrown together here- enjoy lovies- review ;) **

The sound of the rain reminded her of him. That night all of those years ago; the moment they had decided to let it all go and to walk back into the shadows of their lives. Perhaps they had made the right choice, perhaps there was nothing else to do. But as she stood in the pouring rain, watching his house wondering why it didn't feel that way.

But maybe she was just lying to herself because these days she didn't feel anything. A numbness she couldn't explain had taken hold of her life as she decided to live like a ghost.

She could see him through the window, picking up a small girl in his arms, the smile crossing his lips one she had memorised; it was what she had wanted to see for all of this time they had been apart. The years had been good to him; he looked almost exactly like he had done the night she'd left.

The roll of thunder above her seemed to be oh so fitting a storm broken.

There was no place for her here. He had continued living her life like she should have done; he was happy and in the end that was all she had ever wanted. As she watched his daughter cling to his neck she imagined the family he had build around himself, the wonderful father and husband he had become. And it all seemed so fitting, because he of all people deserved to be happy, to be loved.

Pressing her eyes closed she took a deep breath of the icy air that surrounded her, feeling her body letting go of every misguided hope that had swarmed her system on the journey here.

"Sara" The sound of her name on his lips sent shivers up her spine and she remained still, unmoving. With a defeated sigh Sara opened her eyes to look at him standing before her in the way she had imagined so many times. His hand clutched the little girls by his side, the other holding an umbrella above their heads.

"I was just leaving..." She cleared her throat, her voice meek, against the sound of the rain crashing down. "I was just going..." Sara wrapped her arms around herself, firmly holding her coat closed moving to turn away.

"Sara...Wait..." He abandoned the umbrella with the girl stepping out into the rain towards her, taking a shot in the dark that perhaps they both still felt the same way, that what they had started all of those years ago wasn't yet over. "Don't go"

"Greg..." Her eyes turned to the brown eyes watching them from the door step, she had his eyes, his smile and it broke Sara's heart more than she had wanted it to.

"We're going to get ice-cream...come with us" He said shrugging his shoulders with a small smile.

"I can't" She shook her head, it striking a chord that resounded through her body, perhaps she had made a mistake coming back here.

"Why not?" Greg frowned at her.

There were no excuses there was nothing she could say to convince him that she had plans, or anywhere else to be. She was staying a hotel, only a small suitcase of belongings with her. She'd had time to pack but still nothing seemed to be worth the weight it brought.

They sat in a corner booth in silence, coffees cooling in front of them, the steam lingering in the atmosphere like smoke. Greg carefully cast his eye to the play area, offering a small wave before turning his attention back to Sara who had refused to say a word to break the quiet that had formed between them.

"Her name's Annabelle... She's five...Morgan only lets me see her on the weekends... She made up some excuse about not wanting to disrupt her during school time, but I think it's because she still hates me..." Greg began talking hoping that his words would trigger something, anything in Sara. Her dark eyes had lost the spark he had loved so much, the stories her smiles had told and disappeared in the darkness that seemed to consume her.

"I'm story" She turned to face him, wrapping her fingers around her coffee cup attempting to warm her cold hands.

"Don't be- it's not your fault..." He shook his head, noting that she was no longer wearing her wedding ring. His vision burning into her skin, triggering a response, finally more than a few words fell into place.

"I told him I couldn't do it anymore...all of the goodbyes...the waiting for him to get bored... I said that if he left this time then I wouldn't be waiting for him to come home... And he took an earlier flight that night..." Sara told him explaining her appearance in Vegas after so many years of staying away from this hell.

"Did... Did you think about me?" The question was too forward; he knew that the moment it left his lips but as she caught his eye, he sensed that she was going to answer.

"All the time" The words were less than a whisper as she leant across the table.

"I...I never learnt to let go" Greg replied honestly, his hand lazily tracing patterns on Sara's. "That's why she left me... I couldn't give her everything... I'd given my heart away a long time ago..."

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have come" Sara tried to move, standing up from her seat but he had grabbed hold of her hand.

"I don't think I can survive losing you twice...please don't do this to me" In that moment Sara found herself feeling breathless. The desperation, the ardour still burnt between them, the flames refusing to flicker away. With a small nod she sat herself down opposite him once again.

"That's it Greg...I've had enough of you not listening to me" Morgan's voice seemed to cut through the heavy silence between them. "I told you not to let Annabelle wear the pink dress that was for dinner tonight...and you've given her ice-cream when I told you specifically not to. You only have to look after her at weekends, how do you manage to mess that up?"

"I'm sorry" Greg simply just shrugged as Annabelle made their way towards them. Sara turned towards the window, sinking lower in her seat hoping that Morgan might forget that she was there but luck had never been on her side.

"That's great... she's here too? How long have you two been shacked up together?" Her eyes turned to Sara.

"I don't know what you're talking about...Sara just got here" Greg cleared his throat as Annabelle stood watching them, her smile dropping. "I love you honey... See you next week..." He smiled pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"I love you too daddy" Morgan quickly pulled the little girl away not wanting them to linger; she turned, meeting Sara's eyes with a warning tone. "Next time you two decide to play happy families leave my daughter out of it."

Sara studied the wary look at had crossed his features, his tired eyes looking out of the window as Morgan drove away. She gently touched his cheek, wanting to stop it from hurting so much, wanting to save him like he had saved her.

"I've missed you so much" She muttered. Greg met her eye carefully, his heart quivering in his chest as he realised that this was real. That she'd come back. After all of these years it was as if he felt complete. Without a word leant forwards meeting her lips with his own, kissing her in a way he had longed to for all of the years they had been apart.

"Don't leave me...Please" He whispered pressing his forehead against hers, the words passing in the small space between their lips.

"I won't...I promise you I won't"

Sara kissed him again as if sealing their fate together, her hands tangled with his against the table, the morning light flooding through the rain clouds as the sky above them cleared. In that moment it was as if the world had slowed and everything had fallen into its rightful place.

**The End **


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